Letter to January
35 th January 2022 His Royal Miserliness, First Born of the Gregorian Calendar Slow Motion Avenue Three Hundred & Sixty-Five One-Quarter Days. Dear January, Last week, I wrote you a very long disturbing letter in which I chided you for your yearly niggardly attitude and wanton display of sluggish disdain for the dignity of labour and the golden rule not to mete out what you cannot countenance in others. It seems nearly everyone has lost something since you came up: students cannot find their school fees, tenants are owing rent, housewives have misplaced the chop-money they were given in December, pubs have lost customers, a couple of drunks have lost their front teeth, the few virgins we have, have broken their vessels of honour and not a few ladies are missing periods. As if that was not enough, many m